This week, we bid farewell to a legendary season of television.
The Real Housewives of New York finished off their 10th season last night with the third installation of the reunion, featuring talk of poop smears, resumes, and men with red scarves. While we’re left with a bit of a bitter taste in our mouths due to one departing cast member and her quest to prove…something, we’re also left with extreme sadness. We will miss these ladies while they’re gone from our screens, but at least they left us with some truly incredible life lessons we’ll treasure forever, or at least until season 11 premieres.
Behold, the most important things we learned from season 10 of The Real Housewives of New York City.
1. Blackface is always ALWAYS bad, even if you say you were just “really tan.”
2. A roast chicken, two bottles or four bottles of great wine, a closed door, all your deepest darkest secrets, and Ghost Hunters are all you need to recover from running a marathon.
3. Don’t ever text your friend’s contentious ex-husband for an invite to his New Year’s Eve party…on the wedding yacht.
4. Never say things like “this is going to be the best year ever!” “I’m turning over a new leaf!” or “This will be a nice boat trip” because then you’re basically guaranteeing that it will not and you are not and it will certainly not.
5. The guy from SNL, Saturday Night Live, who did it for Anly, Andy Samberg, the NSL person now works for Sesame Street, Adam Sandler’s thing, Adam Samberg’s thing, from the sketch on NSL with Lady Gaga and Adam Sandberg, the guy that did it…he can make you a bubble dress for Halloween.
6. If you ran a marathon, you deserve 12 parties and endless praise from everyone around you because hello, you ran a marathon!
7. Do not call your friend a drunk, even if they are drunk then and drunk often. Drunk and a drunk are not the same thing.
8. If you get arrested, don’t threaten to kill the arresting officer and you probably also shouldn’t escape from your handcuffs.
9. Go go to rehab if you need to go to rehab, and if that needing to go to rehab happens to coincide with getting to skip having to talk about sensitive topics at the reunion, all the better!
10. Don’t post an Instagram pic of your fresh-from-rehab friend at a table full of drinks without permission.
11. If your friend helps you find a giant terrifying nutcracker doll for your daughter (who’s got weird taste in toys) you had better f–king thank her directly and on camera.
12. Always watch out for cars while walking your dog and confronting your friend about whether she supports other women at the same time.
13. Do not be afraid to order three eggs literally any style, and any proximity to the other eggs, or to police the cheese on your friend’s avocado toast.
14. If you run out of closet space, the oven is a great place to keep sweaters.
15. It’s not weird to FaceTime with your fertility doctor if you’re in the mood to cry over your frozen eggs.
16. Don’t compare careers with your costar on your reality show, because either you both win or neither one of you does.
17. It’s an excellent idea to go wedding dress shopping when you’re not engaged and in an on again/off again relationship with a coupon entrepreneur in Chicago.
18. “Shut your mouth and shut your f–king legs,” is a weird response to anything, really.
19. Don’t design and wear shoes with your ex-husband’s family crest on them (because that’s…sad).
20. Always keep all the receipts, but know when to pull ’em out (at the reunion, from your phone or a hot pink binder).
21. JOVANI! is a weird thing to yell during a cabaret show.
22. If you poop on the floor or on the bed or really anywhere that’s not a toilet and not in your own house, please inform the housekeeper.
23. If all your friends are pooping, puking, and screaming on the vacation you planned for them, make sure everyone knows that you, on the other hand, are having a great poop and puke-free time.
24. Men in red scarves named Brian will ruin your friendships.
25. No one, not even prestigious journalist Carole Radziwill, is immune from the Real Housewives Kool-aid.
The Real Housewives of New York City airs on Bravo.
E! and Bravo are both part of the NBC Universal family.